


HSWC 2014 - Bonus Round Fills

by vype



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Crossover, F/F, F/M, Gen, Homestuck Shipping World Cup 2014, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-02
Updated: 2014-06-21
Packaged: 2018-02-03 03:44:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 11,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1729910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vype/pseuds/vype
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My bonus round fills for HSWC 2014</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. BR1 - Jade <3 Mom Lalonde

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remember how absolutely mortified Rose was when her best friend started dating her mother?

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG]

TT: Jade.  
TT: Jade Harley.  
TT: I thought we were friends.  
TT: Why would you do such a thing to me.  
TT: Why.  
GG: aww rose!!! its not really that bad is it?  
TT: It is absolutely 'that bad'.  
TT: As you may know, my mother is quite loud when she becomes inebriated.  
TT: And when she breaks out the good vodka, she has no sort of verbal filter whatsoever.  
TT: I do not need to know that "you suck better than the vacuum", Jade.  
TT: There is a list of things that never need to be known about one's friends, and that is among the top three.  
GG: ehehe  
GG: what are the other two? ;B  
TT: That one's not-twin really, really likes being called 'Daddy' by our other mutual glasses-wearing friend due to his repressed daddy issues, and that Vriska and Tavros share a dildo collection.  
GG: i thought youd be more enthusiastic about this actually!  
GG: you know, with your psychoanalyzing thing! like what you do with john and dave!  
GG: mine is an electric complex?  
TT: The term is 'Electra complex' and your relationship is more Oedipal than anything else, albeit amazingly twisted.  
TT: And under any other circumstances, I would gladly be categorizing and analyzing your relationships, Jade.  
TT: Under any circumstances other than you sleeping with my mother.  
GG: well if it helps she is really enthusiastic about it too?  
TT: You have a very strange definition of helping.  
GG: that didnt help?  
TT: Not in the slightest.  
GG: :(  
GG: youre not ok with us?  
TT: But as long as you yourself are happy and safe...  
TT: I am happy for you, Jade.  
GG: awwww thanks rose!!  
GG: i guess its kinda weird for you too  
GG: so i really appreciate it!!!  
TT: It is immensely weird, I can assure you.  
TT: But I suppose it is no stranger than whatever is going on with Sollux, Feferi, and Eridan.  
GG: ehehehe, thats probably true!  
TT: Although now I suppose I have two people to give the shovel talk to.  
TT: I'll need to prepare my speech though. It needs to be suitably intimidating.  
GG: ill be sure to look forward to it then ;)

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] has joined the chat!

TG: aww lookit ma precious babies all gettin along together  
GG: hi roxy!!  
TT: Will my torture never end.  
TG: oh rosie your so funny!!  
TG: btw i invited jade for dinner tonitgh  
TG: *tonight  
TT: What.  
GG: oh yeah! i was going to tell you that!  
GG: sorry i forgot rose!  
TG: lemme just say  
TG: dinners gonna be delish!  
TG: cos i got plans for us jade babe  
TG: *wink*  
GG: ooh  
GG: <3  
TG: <3  
TT: Mother, I have preemptively decided that I will not be hungry this evening.  
TT: Instead, I will be in my room for the rest of the day. Possibly until next week.  
TG: aww rosie dont be like that  
TT: And please, for my continued sanity, remember that my room is right across the hall from yours.  
TT: LOCK YOUR DOOR.

tentacleTherapist [TT] has left the chat!


	2. BR1 - Condesce <3< Redglare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remember when the Neophyte sentenced Condy to death?
> 
> Warnings: Character death

The rebellion is long and bloody, and by the end of things she is so very tired. They all are, but she still has one last duty to perform. Neophyte no longer, it is Chief Legislacerator Redglare's duty to trim the uppermost echelons of the old regime.

The E%ecutor is exiled for life. The Grand Highblood's head is chopped off. One by one the ranks thin. 

Some time after her twentieth execution, she takes a personal little detour and spends three whole perigrees chasing down Marquise Spinneret Mindfang. They fight, briefly, and it ends when Redglare guts Mindfang and hangs her from the mast of her own ship. She had thought it would have felt better to finally see Mindfang strung up. It doesn't.

And now there is only one left.

The prisoner appears to have received minimal care while Redglare was away. She can't say that she's too pleased about that fact, but she can't say that she cares enough to raise a fuss about it either.

Even in her cramped cell, the former empress does not sit with her head bowed or back curled. Her posture is unmistakably regal, the sneer on her face perhaps slightly less intimidating due to the dirt and dust. One of her gills is inflamed and dripping fuchsia pus, flaring with every exhale. It seems like it should hurt to breathe, but hell if the Condesce shows it.

Her hands are chained behind her and fastened tightly to the wall, so Redglare sees no problem in stepping into the cell, albeit with her sword already drawn.

"Hey gill," the Condesce croaks. "Finally come to finish it?"

Her hair is stagnant with grease and disgust, tangled and knotted beyond belief. Someone could probably get lost in all of that, Redglare muses. You could strangle yourself on her locks. The thought is only just slightly tempting.

"Not gonna say anyfin? Is that how it is?"

Redglare had a speech prepared. Memorized. But she doesn't feel like saying it right now. So, she just makes things simple.

"For your crimes against the empire, the only sentence is death," she says. Her hand tightens around the handle of her sword.

The Condescension laughs, just the slightest tinge of regret and smugness intermixed in her expression. "Gill, I _am_ the empire."

No more words to say between them. Redglare pulls her arm back.

Pushes.

Blood spills.

Somewhere far, far away a rumble begins in the waters, that grows and grows and grows and doesn't stop- louder and louder, the sound escalates and now the lowbloods begin to sizzle and evaporate in their own skins, contorting and screaming- she can hear, vaguely, the shouts from outside; the Vast Glub has begun.

Finally it reaches her as well. It is very painful, but that doesn't really matter by this point. 

Just for good measure, Redglare twists the sword once more and just barely hears the hiss and gasp of pain over her ears imploding, and then unlatches her pendant. The sign of the Sufferer glimmers in the dim light of the cell, reflecting hints of fuchsia and the teal that has begun to leak out of Redglare's eye sockets.

 _You wanted equality,_ she thinks to the pendant, at a man long dead. _We're all equal when we're dead._


	3. BR1 - Jane <> Dave <> Dad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey remember that month when Jane would only eat boxes of tangerines, and that time when Dad would only read Shakespeare, and what about that time Dave tried saving a pigeon with a broken wing?
> 
> Chapter warnings: implied character death

\-----

He tells them to call him Dad. Says he's been Dad for such a long time now that it's odd to go back to anything else; he got so used to it and now after John. Well. After John is a complete enough sentence on its own, probably.

\-----

This is the fifth day that Jane's locked herself in her room. This is also, coincidentally, the fifth day after her birthday. She's running out of tangerines.

"Jane, please come out," Dad's voice says through the door. Dave silently slides an e-reader under the gap in her door, where he and Dad bought all of Agatha Christie's novels for her birthday.

"Jane, you can't stay in your room forever," is his attempt the second day. Dave finds a scrap of paper and gives her links to three different websites of kittens and puppies being stupid and adorable, and a place to watch every single Disney movie online.

"Jane, you'll get sick," he tries, the fourth day, after confirming with Dave that all Jane had in her were the tangerines they bought at the grocery store. Because Dave is a dork, he fills five Ziploc bags with water and sends those under her door. "Come down for dinner?"

Jane tries to ignore them both and pulls out another tangerine. Dad once told her that Vincent van Gogh ate yellow paint because he thought he could paint himself happy from the inside out. 

Fresh sweet juice explodes in her mouth as she bites into the fruit. 

It works just for a little bit, when she closes her eyes and imagines herself lying in the grass and watching the sky stretch endlessly above. Then she opens her eyes, and the orange peel reminds her of Dirk Strider and that sends her thoughts spiraling down into Jake English and everything's ruined again.

She's not going to cry about it anymore, she promises herself.

Dave knocks on her door later that day. "Hey Jane," he says. "Dad went out for a bit. He said he'll be back soon."

"Ok," she says, because she's tired of not saying anything. Though that's her own fault, she supposes.

"So I figure you're not up for a redo of your b-day party?" Dave takes the silence as an affirmative, and continues, "Did you want to have a 'Jake English is an oblivious douche and totally does not deserve you because you are hella awesome and way out of his league anyway' party? I just finished downloading the last two seasons of Parks and Rec and Dad made cupcakes." He hesitates. "And, uh."

Something slides under her door. Apparently it's a business card.

david martha strider: prank victim extraordinaire  
because hitting coolkids in the face with a pie will totally max out your pranksters gambit  
(p.s. it is totally ironic shut up jane)

She can't help but smile. Dave hates his full name, and especially hates her teasing him for it.

"Jane?"

The door opens.

"Oh, hey. Hey, Jane. Uh." Dave stumbles over his words and lowers his hand, from where he had apparently been going to knock again. "How's it going."

"You had Parks and Rec, you say?"

\-----

Dad returns and Jane and Dave are curled up and sleeping on the sofa. There are remnants of frosting in Dave's hair and smeared all over the carpet, and Jane's glasses are tilted to one side. He smiles gently, closing the laptop that is slowly draining on battery as it remains paused on Ron Swanson's admittedly magnificent moustache. He fetches a blanket and covers them up, quickly jotting down a note reminding them to clean up and take care of themselves, before retiring to his own room.

He's glad that Jane's out and about again. It felt... too close to losing another child. He doesn't know if he can face that again.

On the bed he makes himself comfortable, and then picks up the book on his nightstand. A press of a button no the remote and Frank Sinatra softly croons through the bedroom. The lamp flickers on, he finds his place, and he continues reading.

~

_As a decrepit father takes delight_  
 _To see his active child do deeds of youth,_  
 _So I, made lame by fortune's dearest spite,_  
 _Take all my comfort of thy worth and truth;_

~

Sometimes, he forgets, and accidentally makes enough to serve four instead of three. Panics when he sees Dave cracking peanut shells in his teeth. Contemplates whether Jane would prefer the navy or the cyan harlequin. And then he remembers, and it hurts again, like it's never stopped hurting.

Sometimes, he can't forget, and John is the specter that haunts the corners of his peripheral vision, always just there but never close enough.

John at three years old, with a big dimply smile and batting his hands in amazement at the magic music-making piano.

John, just having tripped down the last three steps of the staircase, wincing but sheepishly laughing and rubbing the back of his head.

John grimacing at the array of baking trays and rolling pins, and arguing with him about Betty Crocker angel cake mix for two hours and they end up missing the premiere of the new Nicolas Cage movie.

John, John, John everywhere. Very infrequently, he appreciates these reminders, of his boy that didn't get a chance to grow up. Most of the time, though, it's suffocating, these memories he can't let go. 

~

_For whether beauty, birth, or wealth, or wit,_  
 _Or any of these all, or all, or more,_  
 _Entitled in thy parts, do crowned sit,_  
 _I make my love engrafted to this store:_

~

They're both nervous, fiddling with things that they hold behind their backs. He smiles kindly at them, and waits for them to begin.

"It's um, Father's Day. And your birthday. So, since it's both..." Jane says. "We both got you something."

He blinks, and then glances to the calendar. Ah. Indeed. He can't believe that he's forgotten.

"Thank you very much," he says sincerely. "You didn't have to do that."

"Yeah we did," Dave says simply. He and Jane exchange glances, and Jane makes an elaborate shrugging motion with her left shoulder that he takes to mean, 'you go first'. Apparently Dave takes it to mean the same thing, and he holds out what he was hiding.

It's a CD case.

He tilts his head, and Dave coughs. He looks away. "Uh. John sent me some clips. Of him and the piano. And I, uh, remixed some stuff. I- I thought you'd like it."

Very abruptly, he finds that he cannot speak., save to croak out a very quiet, "Thank you." Eyes blurred with tears, he gently takes the CD case from Dave and gives him the biggest smile he can muster. 

Jane fidgets. "I. Here." She thrusts it out at him, and something rattles inside the cardboard box.

He thanks her as well, and takes it. It's heavier than it looks. "You can open it," Jane adds.

It's a polaroid camera, a roll of film, and a blank scrapbook. 

Jane clears her throat. "I saw that you had a scrapbook in your study." She swallows. "I thought you. Um. Could use another one."

He swallows, to avoid the tears in his eyes spilling over. "Thank you," he says again. "Thank you both very, very much."

~

_So then I am not lame, poor, nor despis'd,_  
 _Whilst that this shadow doth such substance give_  
 _That I in thy abundance am suffic'd,_  
 _And by a part of all thy glory live._

~

"Wait a minute, that's not a good idea Dave-"

Jane cringes as Dave drops the hunk of chocolate into the batter. Dad does too, but he hides his better and manages to quickly turn it into a small smile when Dave glances his way in askance.

"Why not? We were making chocolate, right?"

"Yes, Dave, but we generally don't use actual chocolate bars. Baking chocolate is usually preferred."

"There's something called baking chocolate?" Dave looks as if someone has shown him the secrets to the universe.

Meanwhile, Jane looks slightly despairing. "Maybe we should postpone this until later."

"No need for that. We can still continue, though a few adjustments would probably have to be necessary." Dad hesitates, and then adds, "Perhaps, Dave, you should stay away from the, ah, oven. Just to be safe."

"I can do it! I'll be really careful," Dave says. "Can't be that different from a microwave, right?"

There is a very significant silence. Jane says, "I'll get the fire extinguisher."

~

_Look what is best, that best I wish in thee:_  
 _This wish I have; then ten times happy me!_

~

The first picture in the scrapbook is Jane panicking and Dave with foam on his shirt, and smoke drifting out of the oven. The picture is blurry and almost impossible to make out because he is laughing so much that he is shaking. 

This is the first of many such pictures.

\-----

Dave is kneeling on the pavement and cradling a tiny, tiny body in his hands. Jane crouches down next to him and places a hand on his shoulder. Dad stands over them with the umbrella, sheltering them from the rain.

"I'm taking it back," Dave says.

Jane and Dad exchange glances over his head. 

"Okay," Dad says. "Let's get in from the rain."

The pigeon squawks painfully as Dave moves it, even though he tries his best to keep it still. Its wing is bent at a horrendous angle, it's lost practically half of its feathers, and its eyes are a watery strained color. It didn't even have the energy to snap and peck at Dave's hand when he got too close to its body.

When they get home, Dave repurposes a shoebox and lines it with warm dry towels, and then looks up first aid for broken wings. Dad calls a wildlife rehabilitator, and they say due to the flooding, they'll need a few days to get there. They relay instructions that Dave takes down very, very seriously, and then retreats back to his room with the bird.

Jane and Dad stand at the doorway of his room, watching him, his intensity, his total focus on trying to make things better.

~

Dave is completely serious for the two days that the bird is in his care. He talks to it like he would a child, and names it Sprite after it wouldn't stop pecking at the empty soda can he left on the windowsill.

The rehabilitator comes on the afternoon of the second day, thanks Dave for keeping the bird safe, and assures them that it'll be cared for and released back into the wild once it's healthy.

This does nothing to reassure Dave.

Dad and Jane catch the looks he sends after the pigeon as it goes, and in the weeks after they notice each and every look that he sends at the skies, tracing the arc of a sparrow or the slow glide of a hawk as they race across the skies.

Dave's birthday is in three weeks. Dad and Jane hatch a plan.

~

"We left your present in your room," Jane says.

"Huh?"

"Take good care of it," Dad adds, and that's all that either of them will say on the subject.

His present turns out to be a parrot. The card tells him that it's apparently a Blue Streaked Lory, and it is absolutely gorgeous: bright red feathers with dashes of vivid blue and black. 

By Jane's next birthday, Dave has taught the parrot to say, "I warned you about the stairs bro," and "Dave motherfucking Strider."

Jane and Dad begin to regret their gift. But not really. 

Dave's smiling, after all.

\-----


	4. BR1 - Dave/Karkat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remember when Karkat got stuck in the dryer when he went in for his sweater?

"Dude, how the hell did you get your horns stuck on something? Don't you have like, no horns? They're just little nubby candy corn stuck to your head."

"Are you going to stand there and make fun of me or help me?" Karkat snarls.

It's a terribly embarrassing sequence of events that led to Karkat getting stuck in here, events that involve Gamzee once more demonstrating why he needs a live-in moirail because he doesn't know how to do the goddamn laundry. Once he gets out, the very first thing he needs to do is make sure that Dave does not breathe a word of this to either Terezi or Kanaya. The wool of his sweater itches at the base of his horns, but he can't do a damn thing about it because it looks like his hands are tangled up in Kanaya's belt and Terezi's stupid FLARP costume and augh he is going to give Strider such an ass-kicking once he gets out of here...

"Nah, looks like you can do it on your own," comes the drawl from behind him. There is a shuffling sound like wood sliding across the tiled floor, and it looks like someone has finally started paying attention to Karkat's perfectly pragmatic habit of carrying around things that might be useful because he thinks that Dave might have pulled out a chair. A fucking chair, to sit in, while Karkat miserably tries to disentangle himself from the fluffy mess of clothing.

"Fuck you up the gaping recesses of your putrid waste chute," Karkat spits.

"Ooh, kinky."

"Shut up." Karkat tries curling his fingers around the leather belt and yanking it off his fingers. Nope, it gets tangled up around his thumb and his fucking elbow, what the hell?

Okay, bending over to stick his head in the dryer was possibly not the best idea. His back is really starting to ache now, which is inevitable given that he's been stuck in here for nearly an entire fucking hour, and Dave has been there for maybe twenty minutes. Twenty minutes in which he has done absolutely nothing of use.

Fuck him.

Karkat wiggles a bit and tries to relieve the tension in his muscles. It does not help.

"Ooh Mr. Vantas, trying to put on a show, you naughty troll you?"

Karkat is suddenly very glad that nobody can see his face because he's pretty sure that it's heated red out of both humiliation and a desire to smash Dave's head in, pure luminous rage.

"Are you. Staring. At my ass. Is that a thing you are doing right now, Dave Strider, when you could be helping me out of this godforsaken dryer."

"Maaaybe."

A hand gently comes to pat his backside.

"I am going to kill you," Karkat promises.

"In my defense, it is a very nice ass."

"In your sleep. I am going to find Gamzee's demon-possessed puppet and strangle you to death with its limbs."

" _Very_ kinky."


	5. BR1 - Rose <3 Karkat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remember that time Karkat tried to knit Rose a cat sweater without asking for help with it?

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA] at 3:24 pm

CG: ARE YOU *ABSOLUTELY* SURE THAT HUMANS DONT HAVE A SECRET SET OF EXTRA LIMBS HIDING ANYWHERE?  
GA: Yes Karkat I Am Absolutely Sure Of That  
GA: They Do Not Have Anywhere To Store Any Extra Limbs  
CG: FUCK.  
CG: OKAY, NEVER MIND THAT. WHAT ABOUT TENTACLES?  
GA: I Am Relatively Sure That Tentacles Still Count As Limbs  
GA: And No They Do Not Have Those Either  
CG: REALLY? BECAUSE I FEEL THAT ROSE WOULD HAVE THEM.  
CG: SHE SEEMS LIKE A TENTACLE KIND OF PERSON.  
GA: So This Involves Rose Then  
GA: If You Would Tell Me What You Are Attempting To Accomplish I Would Be Very Happy To Assist You  
CG: NO.  
CG: I MEAN I APPRECIATE IT, KANAYA, BUT I WANT TO DO THIS ON MY OWN.  
GA: Well Alright  
GA: If You Do Need Any Help I Would Be More Than Willing To Provide It  
CG: THANKS.  
CG: BUT I THINK I'LL STILL TRY ON MY OWN FOR A BIT MORE.  
CG: SEE YOU LATER.  
GA: Good Luck

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA] at 3:28 pm

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA] at 3:31 pm

CG: OH MY GOD HELP ME KANAYA BRING YOUR CHAINSAW  
CG: I THINK IT'S TRYING TO EAT ME  
CG: ITS CLAWS ARE REALLY SHARP   
CG: ITS LICKING ME IT REALLY DOES WANT TO EAT ME PLEASE HELP  
CG: OH GOD ITS TAIL IS ALL SPIKY NOW  
CG: KANAYA

carcinoGeneticist's [CG's] computer has been smashed.

\-----

Rose briefly looks up from her perusal of Karkat's shoddy craftsmanship long enough to do Eyebrow Thing #2, the 'I am judging you internally' eyebrow thing. Karkat shrinks back, shoulders drooping just a little bit.

At long last, she stops and sets the mangled pile of purple wool on a nearby surface. "It is... rather interesting," she finally says. "At least now I know where my knitting needles have disappeared to." Karkat cringes again. "It is certainly intriguing to see that there are three extra sleeves. It will certainly come in handy should I ever lose track of one."

Karkat mumbles something that sounds like, "tentacle person." It brings up intriguing possibilities, but she stores those away for later. Possibly to bring up in bed. Yes. 

"And the cat hair is a masterful touch. Very artistic."

"I thought you meant you wanted the meowbeast to be knitted _into_ the sweater."

Rose feels her lips twitching. Oh my, but Karkat is precious, isn't he. That certainly explains the bandages plastered across the bridge of his nose. Kanaya must have done the patching up after that experience. She's tempted to ask him whether the cat is still lurking around somewhere, but it doesn't look like he'd think very favorably about cats at the moment.

Karkat takes her silence as rejection of his gift, and slumps down completely. Oh no. This won't do.

She launches herself into a hug, nestling her arms snugly around his shoulders. She presses a kiss to his cheek, and feels the flutter of surprise across his face. "Thank you, Karkat. I love it very much."

To prove her point, she picks it up off the table and slips into it. Warm, soft, slightly scratchy at the elbows but comfortable. Not bad for a first attempt.

"Do you want me to teach you?" she offers.

\-----

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 2:18 pm

GA: Thank You For The Sweater Karkat  
GA: Terezi The Mayor and Dave Would Also Like To Pass On Their Thanks  
CG: I CAN TELL WHEN YOU'RE CENSORING PEOPLE.  
GA: Well  
GA: His Exact Words Were  
GA: jesus christ does karkles think that im a bear or something look at this sorry excuse of a sweater its practically a dress  
CG: ASSHOLE.  
CG: SEE IF I EVER KNIT HIM ANYTHING AGAIN.  
GA: I Might Add That Despite His Words He Was Wearing It Yesterday  
GA: And While We Are On The Topic Of Knitting Things  
GA: Do You Think That You Could Manage A Hat  
GA: In Yellow Perhaps  
GA: With Sequins If You Can Manage It  
GA: In A Pattern Such As This

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] has sent the file YellowHatOutfit3.jpg

CG: ALREADY COVERED. ROSE IS MOVING ON TO GLOVES NOW.  
GA: Ooh  
GA: Gloves You Say  
CG: I'LL BE SURE TO MAKE YOU A PAIR  
GA: Thank You

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 2:31 pm


	6. BR1 - John <3 Jade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remember the _other_ Titans? (SNKstuck)
> 
> Chapter warnings: Character death

"Whoa," Dave says. He's lifted his sunglasses slightly above his eyes to get a better view. "Nice guns."

"Very nice," Rose says approvingly. "Apparently she's been working out."

"Jesus Christ, Harley." Karkat is dumbfounded.

John is gaping. Words are sort of beyond him at the moment.

(Far in the background, Vriska and Kanaya exchange sideways glances. Equius sweats nervously.)

 **"ARAAAGGGH,"** says Jade. Roars Jade. Whatever.

\-----

All of a sudden, why Jade knows so much about titans sort of makes sense. Yeah sure, her grandpa used to be the leading researcher on titans, by virtue of being the only titan researcher. At least up to his death. His very suspicious and mysterious death, actually. That the government shoddily investigated and then closed down, ruling the cause of death to be heart disease when Grandpa Harley was probably the healthiest man in the entire city.

Yeah. Suddenly that makes sense too.

\-----

Titans are really, really weird. They can take damage to pretty much any part of their body save the back of their necks and regenerate almost faster than most people can draw their weapons. But with sufficient depth and force, any good slice to the back of their necks kills them almost immediately. And they bleed, yes. Sizzling red that evaporates within an hour. And they're surprisingly lightweight.

Titans are really, really weird.

But John guesses that the sizzling hot blood explains why Jade's always been warm to the touch. She's the perfect cuddling partner, especially since this old fort gets really drafty sometimes!

"John?

"Hm?"

"Let go."

"Mmnngh." He tightens his grip around her waist.

"John."

_"Mmnngh."_

Jade sighs, trying to stop her smile, but just sighs and relaxes. John's pretty soft himself, and well, a short nap here couldn't hurt.

\-----

When they figure out who was the Boxing Titan that attacked their formation and killed nearly a quarter of their number, Nepeta locks herself in the barracks and doesn't come out until Karkat spends half the day talking quietly to her.

Equius kneels and keeps his head bowed. He doesn't say a word no matter what questions Commander Strider asks, or how... rough his interrogation methods become.

Let's just say it's a very good thing for Equius that titans regenerate.

Jade is the one to visit him in his cell, in the end. His shackles are made of iron and would be too heavy to move for anyone but Equius. As it is, they slow him down enough that people can get swords pointed at his neck in case he tries to attack someone. He hasn't, though, not after being discovered. He hasn't done much of anything except stare listlessly into the distance.

"Squad Leader Lalonde wanted to keep you alive. For study," she says. "But the Commander said it was too dangerous. And they already had me, and so... um. You're being executed. Tomorrow."

He still says nothing.

"Okay. Well then, I guess. I'll go." Jade bites her lip. "You were our friend, Equius. Are our friend."

She doesn't really expect a reply to that either.

\-----

Beheading is the only thing that they think will work. Right before the blade swings down, he sighs and murmurs, almost too quietly to hear, "I'm sorry, Nepeta."

\-----

"Jade, may I speak to you for a moment?" Kanaya asks.

Jade lifts her head and pulls up a smile for Kanaya, "Sure!" she says in between deep breaths; the titan rush had just ended, and everyone is safe for a few minutes on top of the walls until the others get ready with the boulder to block the gap in the wall. "What did you need?"

"I am very, very sorry," Kanaya says, and then everything goes dark.

\-----

Jade Harley is missing.

Jade. Harley. Is. Missing.

_Jade is gone._

John forgets how to breathe for approximately two minutes, and then spends the next day in a state of utter panic that becomes so hysterical that Dave has to slap him in the face. After that, he settles into a slow-burning rage, something that simmers behind his eyes and shoots through his fingers, making them clench around imaginary swords. He has never felt such all-consuming anger in his entire life.

At least he has a target for his fury.

It's Vriska and Kanaya.

They have a group ready to pursue and retrieve Jade within the hour. Nobody tells John to stay behind.

\-----

"Why are you doing this?" Rose yells desperately as the titans below them swarm, clutching at her injured arm.

"None of you could ever understand!" Vriska shrieks, freshly turned back into human form, her voice cracking in the middle of her sentence. It's hard to see from here, but she has tears running down her face, mixing with blood and grime. By her side, Kanaya bites her lower lip and doesn't meet Rose's gaze, instead directing her glance at the ground below. _"We just want to go home!"_

Dave hauls Tavros back to safety; Vriska had swatted him aside and crushed both his legs against a tree. Squad Leader Lalonde is the only one of them with enough medical knowledge to treat him, now that Equius is... gone.

Kanaya was the one who ripped Eridan in half, and the one who knocked out Gamzee. 

Jade's arms and legs are still steaming, still in the process of healing. But otherwise she's fine, and John could almost cry from relief. His anger evaporates, dissipates into thin air, because when he looks at Vriska and Kanaya now he can't see anyone but scared children, like the rest of them. 

Jade's legs finish healing first. She wobbles to her feet, John supporting her around the waist for balance.

"John?" she asks.

"Hm?"

Her newly formed hand raises to her mouth.

"Let go."

This time, he does.


	7. BR1 - Alpha Jade English <> Grand Highblood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remember when TGH got papped hardcore?

YOU.

The word is loud enough to rattle the glass on the countertop. A little bit of orange juice splashes over the rim.

Jade sighs. Looks like she can't enjoy her breakfast in peace now. "What's wrong now? And please do try to keep your voice down, you'll wake Jake." Privately, she thinks that rather unlikely- Jake sleeps like the dead- but it's worth a shot anyway.

WHAT HERETICAL NONSENSE IS THIS? he asks, holding up what appears to be the last remnants of a Squiddles plush. Oh, she remembers watching that ages ago in her youth. It really was too bad it got cancelled before it's fourth season finished. 

"That's a stuffed toy," she answers. "It's a tanglebuddy."

THESE ARE THE MOTHERFUCKING EMISSARIES OF THE VOID, SISTER. THEIR ALLEGIANCE IS TO THE LITTLE GUPPY QUEEN.

"Are they." She spares a closer look at the doll. Well, come to think of it, the Grand Highblood _had_ said something a few weeks ago about the tentacled eldritch gods that the Condesce communed with. Hm. That may have something to do with the possible presence of what appeared to be a culling drone on her property. If so, she supposes she'll have to thank him for destroying it.

AND YOU WHO TOOK THE NAME OF OUR LORD THE MIRTHFUL MESSIAH, HOW FUCKING DARE YOU. YOU TOOK THE OATH IN THE DARK CARNIVAL THROUGH HIS GRACE AND NOW YOU TURN TRAITOR TO HOST THE ENVOY OF THE BLASPHEMOUS USURPER, _HOW FUCKING DARE YOU._

The rage is pouring off him in literal purple clouds, like steam rising from his temples. Jade sighs once more. Oh dear.

_Pap._

"Shoosh, you," she says, just slightly annoyed. "I didn't know that they were hers. If it makes you feel better, I'll go and get the rest of them and shoot them all later, but for now you just shoosh." She paps him again. "You can't go and get angry over every single thing like a wiggler, you know. You have to watch your blood pressure. Don't forget what happened last time," she adds, with more warning in her voice this time.

Another pap for good measure, and he shrinks down, lips forming into a petulant pout under his face paint. I'M NOT A WIGGLER he mutters.

Jade rolls her eyes. "Sure you aren't. Now sit down and have your breakfast. I made pancakes today."

... FINE.

"There's a dear."

WHERE'S THE JAM.

"Don't forget your manners."

... PLEASE PASS THE JAM.

"We're out of jam today."

BLASPHEMY.


	8. BR1 - Rose & Horrorterrors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remember when Rose went grimdark and ritualistically sacrificed everyone?


	9. BR2 - Dave <3 Calliope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jayus (Indonesian): “A joke so poorly told and so unfunny that one cannot help but laugh.”

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering uranianUmbra [UU]

TG: okokok  
TG: i found the best fucking joke ever  
TG: the most hilarious joke in the world  
TG: so funny that youre gonna shit your pants  
UU: unu  
UU: that soUnds Unpleasant.  
TG: ok yeah thats pretty disgusting  
TG: but this is so funny that its a travesty im not hosting my own comedy show  
UU: oh really?  
UU: let's hear it, then!  
TG: get this  
TG: theres this dude going out to play golf and his golf game is so strong  
TG: like  
TG: so strong it makes hercules look like a baby  
TG: thats how strong his golf game is  
UU: Um! i think that hercUles killed two snakes while he was a baby!  
TG: ok fine then a babier baby than baby hercules  
TG: point is  
TG: this guy plays golf like whoa  
TG: and so yeah hes just going along with his business  
TG: hole in one after hole in one like its no big deal  
TG: just the worlds best golf prodigy after tiger woods but you know without the cheating and shit  
TG: because our guy here is a pure innocent godly moral dude  
TG: like jesus  
TG: tiger jesus woods  
UU: who is tiger woods?  
UU: is he a <gasp!> fUrry?  
TG: that is the best mental image i will ever have in my life but no  
TG: well get to that later  
TG: so off tiger jesus woods goes and hes at the last hole  
TG: and hes gonna sink that ball into that hole  
TG: needs to send that ball flying straight into the hole  
TG: sweet jesus this isnt coming out right  
TG: yeah hes concentrating real hard and all that shit  
TG: until suddenly theres a group of people coming over the hill  
TG: and its a bunch of people carrying a coffin  
UU: shocking!  
TG: cos its a funeral  
TG: i dunno maybe theyre blasting another one bites the dust on a boombox or whatever shit people do at funerals  
TG: so tiger jesus woods drops down to his knees  
TG: takes his hat off  
TG: and fucking prays  
TG: prays to himself probably cos theres no greater good on earth than tiger jesus woods  
TG: and the people around him are like  
TG: holy shit dude thats so awesome  
TG: youre praying for someone you dont even know  
TG: youre the holiest holy dude there ever was  
TG: good golfer best jesus  
TG: and the tiger jesus woods goes  
TG: yeah well  
TG: funny story  
TG: weve been married twenty years  
UU: Um. i don't think i get it?  
UU: sorry.  
UU: <:u  
TG: oh  
TG: yeah fine ok  
TG: no biggie  
TG: what about your joke  
UU: ooh!  
UU: what's brown and sticky?  
TG: a pile of shit  
UU: no.  
TG: uh  
TG: packaging tape  
UU: nooooooooooo.  
TG: well damn  
TG: i dont know  
TG: lay it on me  
TG: whats the answer  
UU: a stick! uwu  
TG: holy shit  
TG: that is the best joke ive ever heard in my life  
TG: you are the joke queen  
TG: it is you  
TG: you cant see me but im dying over here  
TG: on the floor  
TG: laughing my ass off  
TG: unironically  
TG: roflmao  
UU: ):U  
UU: i feel like yoU're making fUn of me.  
TG: aw shucks come on callie no way id do that  
TG: you have wowed me with your joking prowess  
TG: the crockerbert twins better watch out because their pranksters gambits got nothing on you  
UU: aww! thank yoU!  
TG: dude no need for thanks  
TG: your jokes deserve all the recognition in the whole world  
TG: <3  
UU: hee hee!  
UU: <3  
TG: sooooooooooo  
UU: sooooooooooo?  
TG: how long do you think itll take for your bro to snap if we send him nothing but corny jokes for the next week  
UU: ...  
UU: i like the way yoU think! uwu

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering uranianUmbra [UU]


	10. BR2 - Davesprite <> John <> Kanaya

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smulstronstäle (Swedish): "'Place of wild strawberries'; a special place discovered, treasured, returned to for solace and relaxation; a personal idyll free from stress or sadness."

"I read somewhere that strawberries are actually vegetables," John says as he reaches into the basket for another one. "Because they have their seeds on the outside or something like that. Fruits have seeds on the inside. You know, like tomatoes."

Davesprite's lip curls. "What the shit. That is not true. No fucking way. Strawberries are not fucking vegetables, that is disgusting. Why would you ever feel the need to bring that up while I'm basking in the glory of the first strawberries I've ever eaten in the past three years? No!" He raises a talon when John opens his mouth to respond. "John, you are hereby forbidden from sharing any trivia with us ever again."

Kanaya shuts her husktop decisively. "I have checked human Wikipedia. Apparently strawberries are not vegetables. Nor are they berries, for that matter. They are a type of accessory fruit." She pauses. "I admit, I am still extremely confused by the human naming convention of not matching names to objects themselves."

John waves his hand. "Don't worry Kanaya, we're all confused too. You know, like peanuts. They aren't peas, or nuts. Evil, evil peanuts." He slides the basket of freshly-picked strawberries closer to her. "Try some! They're really sweet!"

Kanaya picks one up. She frowns and inspects the not-berry closely.

"Hey, it's not as if trolls name things any more conveniently," Davesprite points out, impaling one strawberry on each claw of his left hand. "Like grubloaf. If it's not grub or loaf then why would you ever call it grubloaf?"

Kanaya sets down the strawberry. "Well. Larval trolls are often called gr-"

"Actually," Davesprite interrupts loudly, "I don't want to fucking know."

"You are the one who asked," Kanaya states. She then decides to throw caution to the wind and pops the strawberry into her mouth.

Hmm. Sweet. She will have to try another one.

"Okay, new decree: John and Kanaya, you are both not allowed to share any trivia whatsoever, especially not about food. Especially not about food that we are eating right now, or food that _you were planning on feeding us for dinner._ "

"I love life," John sighs happily, drifting over to rest in between Davesprite and Kanaya. The troll notes the red stains on his shirt with a grimace; she'll have to fix that up later. At least Davesprite doesn't have clothes to sully, though that won't be the state of things for much longer if she has anything to say about it.

"I was loving life perfectly fine up until I learned way too much about troll eating habits. Man, and I thought the cannibalism was only because of your rainbow drinker shtick," Davesprite laments. Still though, he's smiling, the slightest upturn to his lips.

"Hm," Kanaya hums cheerfully, cleaning juice off her claws so she can nestle them in John's hair and comb through it. He gets atrocious knots sometimes.

Davesprite stretches, extends a wing to curl around the three of them in a feathery blanket. "I don't know about you guys but this is the perfect time for a nap." He tilts his head back, and the sky is perfectly blue. "Wake me up when it's time to head back."

John chuckles, and adjusts his posture so that Davesprite can lean his head on John's shoulder. "Sure, sure," John says, one of his hands curling around Davesprite's, the other one free to reach for the half-empty basket.

 _This is nice,_ Davesprite thinks, drifting off, a breeze teasing across his feathers and hair. Maybe this new world is good for something after all.


	11. BR2 - Dave <3< Karkat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Desenmerda-te/Desenrasca-te (Portuguese): Literally, "unshit yourself", "unscrew yourself". It's used when someone who is in deep trouble, usually caused by their own doing, asks you for help. Telling someone "desenmerda-te" means that they'd better find a way out of their trouble on their own.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

CG: YOU INCOMPETENT PETTY PILE OF SHIT.  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO THE GODDAMN ABLUTION TRAP.  
TG: hehe

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

\-----

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

CG: I KNOW YOU DID IT.  
TG: did what  
CG: DON'T FUCKING PLAY DUMB WITH ME.  
CG: WHAT IS THIS.  
TG: what  
TG: youre all the way who knows fuck where  
TG: i cant exactly see what youre talking about genius  
CG: YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.  
CG: YOU HAD BETTER NOT HAVE WASTED ANY OF OUR GRIST IN ORDER TO ALCHEMIZE THIS THING.  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS IT EVEN. IT'S SOME UNHOLY OFFSPRING OF A BALLOON AND HUMAN FEMALE.  
CG: IT'S TICKING. WHY THE FUCK.   
TG: wait for it  
TG: wait for it  
CG: I KNEW YOU HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT.  
CG: WAIT FOR WHAAADSFJKH LKSJDLK AO  
TG: and bingo  
TG: heh  
CG: STIREDREE IMK SGOIGN TO FUSCSODSK MKLILLL YYYIUUUU

carcinoGeneticist's [CG's] computer exploded

\-----

CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] began trolling CURRENT turntechGodhead [CTG]

CCG: OH FUCK NO.  
CCG: IT ONLY MAKES ME CURRENT CG WHEN ONE OF MY SHITTY PAST OR FUTURE SELVES IS GOING TO DROP BY.  
CCG: FUCK IT, I'M CLOSING THIS CHAT RIGHT NOW.  
CTG: okay yeah bye  
CTG: no big loss  
CTG: dont let the door hit your ass on the way out  
FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 2 HOURS FROM NOW joined chat  
FCG: DAVE STRIDER I AM GOING TO MURDER YOU IN COLD BLOOD AND DESTROY EVERYTHING YOU LOVE.  
FCG: DO YOU HEAR ME.  
CTG: what  
CCG: WHAT.  
FCG: YOUR APPLE JUICE IS NOT SAFE.  
FCG: YOUR SHITTY COMICS ARE NOT SAFE.  
FCG: YOU ARE GOING TO BE SORRY YOU EVER DECIDED TO JOIN THE WORLD OF THE LIVING, YOU SACK OF FERMENTED HOOFBEAST VOMIT.  
FCG: THIS IS THE LAST FUCKING STRAW.  
CCG: ...  
CCG: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE PLANNED NOW, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE.  
FCG: DON'T EVEN FUCKING ASK. JUST REVEL IN THE KNOWLEDGE THAT THIS FUCKER IS GOING TO GET WHAT'S COMING TO HIM VERY, VERY SOON.  
CTG: heh  
CTG: you talk big karkles but its all just talk  
FCG: THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK.  
CTG: ooh ominous  
CTG: im so scared  
FCG: YOU SHOULD BE.  
FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] left the chat  
FUTURE grimAuxiliatrix [FGA] 2 HOURS FROM NOW joined chat  
FGA: Dave  
FGA: Far Be It From Me To Interfere In Your Black Courtship But I Really Must Ask This  
FGA: Was It Really So Wise To Steal One Of Roses Favorite  
FGA: Er  
FGA: Personal Devices  
FGA: For Your Antics  
FGA: She Is Unpleased  
FGA: To Put It Lightly  
CTG: what  
CTG: oh  
CTG: oh fffuuuck i didnt put it back  
FGA: No You Did Not  
FGA: And Even If You Did She Would Not Be Happy At All That You Coated It In Strawberry Jam  
FGA: It Is Likely To Cause An Infection Of Some Sort If I Am Understanding Her Correctly  
CTG: shit shit shit shit  
FGA: I Thought I Would Give You Some Prior Warning  
FGA: Before Rose Comes To Eviscerate You  
CTG: shit shit shit shit  
FGA: Oh  
FGA: And Karkat  
FGA: Please Remember To Take The Bucket Off Before Coming To See Me  
CCG: WHAT?  
FGA: Never Mind  
FGA: It Has Already Happened From My Perspective Anyway  
FGA: Try Not To Tear The Whole Meteor Apart In Your Caliginous One Upmanship  
FGA: And Please Remember To Keep The Pailing Behind Closed Doors  
CCG: WHAT THE FUCK.  
CTG: oh shit oh shit oh shit  
FUTURE grimAuxiliatrix [FGA] left the chat  
FUTURE turntechGodhead [FTG] 2 HOURS FROM NOW joined chat  
FTG: run for your miserable life you fucker  
FTG: drop everything and run for the fucking hills  
FTG: nowhere is safe  
FTG: id even take the damn murderclown over  
FTG: oh fuck she found me   
FTG: tell my mom i love her  
FUTURE turntechGodhead's [FTG's] computer exploded  
CTG: fuck  
CCG: ...  
CCG: SWEET, SWEET VENGEANCE.  
CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] ceased trolling CURRENT turntechGodhead [CTG]


	12. BR3 - Jane <> Dirk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lovecraft-inspired AU, in which Dirk uncovers some terrible secret about the universe and Jane tries to save him and also humanity. She only succeeds (and possibly only temporarily) with the latter.
> 
> Chapter warnings: Implied character death

gutsyGumshoe [GG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

GG: Dirk.  
TT: Jane. What's this about?  
GG: I know what you're thinking. Don't open it.  
GG: God, just  
GG: Look, we've both seen what happened to the house. To the attic.  
GG: There is no seawater anywhere near the city, so there's no reason for the box to have been wet, or for everything else to be waterlogged.  
GG: You even got Jake looking up the urban legends around the neighborhood, and none of them say anything good about opening that box.  
TT: They're just urban legends.  
TT: Don't tell me that 'always ready for investigating' Detective Crocker's backing out of this mystery?  
TT: We've untangled just about everything else in your great-grandmother's will. All that's left is this puzzle box.  
TT: If she said to give it to your cousin then there can't be anything harmful about it.  
GG: I looked at the police reports, and Feferi drowned the same day she was supposed to collect that box.  
GG: Fef. Drowned.  
TT: Considering how much time she spends out in the ocean it can't be that unlikely that she'd run into an accident. The deep sea's dangerous.  
GG: It's Feferi.  
GG: She couldn't have just drowned. There was nothing out there in the ocean that day- Ampora said that the weather was clear and there wasn't any wreckage she could have gotten caught in. She drowned. Just like that.  
GG: That doesn't happen to Feferi.  
TT: Sounds to me like Roxy's superstitiousness is rubbing off on you.  
GG: It's not about being superstitious, it's about knowing how to pick your battles.  
GG: And Dirk, you do not want to fight this one.  
GG: Please just promise me you won't try to open that box.  
TT: If it means that much to you, then fine. I won't open it.  
GG: Thank you.  
TT: It really is incredible though.  
TT: The lock is intricate as hell. Tons of tiny moving parts and interlocking latches. I messed around with it for a couple of hours and haven't managed to open the thing yet.  
TT: The whole octopus motif is kind of creepy, though.  
GG: Of course you were playing around with it.  
TT: Hey, it's a way to pass the time.  
GG: Can you pick maybe less potentially dangerous hobbies next time?  
TT: There's nothing dangerous about this.  
GG: Dirk.  
TT: Sure, sure. I'll try to while away the boredom somehow else.  
TT: See you.  
GG: Bye.

gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

\---

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

TT: Jesus Christ.  
TT: I haven't been able to sleep for nearly a week.  
GG: What's wrong? Are you feeling sick?  
TT: The fucking box won't stop singing.  
GG: What.  
TT: I accidentally dropped it a couple of days ago and one of the latches is busted. The corner's dented open and I swear to fucking god that the box is singing.  
TT: Singing, moaning, whatever.  
TT: It just doesn't shut up.  
TT: God. It's even more tone deaf than Jake.  
GG: Dirk, do you need to come over for a bit?  
GG: Or, you know, maybe get rid of the box? Toss it in the trash?  
TT: Why would I do that?  
GG: ...  
GG: Dirk, why don't you actually come over. Pack your things and stay at my place for a bit until you feel better.  
GG: Or actually you don't even need pack your things. Just get over here.  
GG: Right now.  
GG: Dirk.  
GG: Dirk, answer me.  
GG: I am going to come over immediately if you don't answer me.

timaeusTestified [TT] changed their chumhandle to taintedThysiastery [TT]

TT: i  
TT: i think  
GG: DIRK.

taintedThysiastery [TT] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

\---

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

TG: jaaaaney  
TG: janey-jane  
GG: Hi, Roxy.  
TG: we havent had a girls nite out in forever!  
TG: theres a new club that opened up down the street from ur apartment, i heard its rlly good!  
TG: lets go! porrim n meenah said theyre comin too!  
GG: I'd love to, but I don't think I can go out tonight.  
TG: awwww  
TG: jane  
TG: i miss him too but its been a while since the funeral  
GG: It's not about Dirk.  
GG: It's just  
TG: jane??  
TG: jaannneey whered u go  
GG: Sorry about that.  
GG: Just my new pet. It got hungry and was calling.  
TG: ohhhhhh!!!  
TG: u didnt tell me u got a pet! what kinda pet is it?  
GG: A squid.  
TG: huh  
TG: u dont look like a squid kind of person  
GG: Funny how things worked out.  
GG: Anyway, I'm sorry, but I can't go out tonight. There are things I need to take care of at home.  
GG: Maybe sometime later?  
TG: aw man  
TG: yeah ok!! ill hold u to that!

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]


	13. BR3 - Dave/Terezi/Karkat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kagerou Project AU: Karkat is Hibiya and Terezi is Hiyori. They die multiple times in the Heat-Haze trying to sacrifice themselves for the other. Meanwhile, Dave as Konoha constantly tries to save them but is always too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings: Character death, violence

The sky is flat and cyan, the clouds a perfect white without shadow. There are exactly eighteen crows sitting on the power lines.

The smell of blood is engraved into your nostrils by now. So are the sound of their names, calling to each other in desperation and disbelief. Karkat. Terezi. You've memorized the taste of their names curling around your tongue, the scratchy feeling in the back of your throat where your pleading and begging stuck after the first dozen times, because no matter how much you beg nothing changes. They still die.

It begins like all the rest of the loops. Karkat and Terezi on the sidewalk. Always, always, always- Terezi is balancing on the edge of the curb and Karkat is glowering as he leans against the fence, and you are watching them from across the street. 

Sometimes the cat is there. Other times it isn't. This time it isn't, but you can't be thankful for that because at least with the cat you know where they'll be led to, at least you can try to save them.

"Hey," Karkat calls. "Let's go somewhere." He shoots anxious glances around, but as always his gray eyes slip past you.

"Sure," Terezi says with a shrug. "Where'd you want to go, Karkles?"

"I don't know. Anywhere. The park."

The park is... not the worst option. Painless deaths there, for the most part. Always with the cicadas though; there's never a moment of peace. Cicadas fucking everywhere, but you can never find a single insect. It's as if the whole city evacuated and the three of you missed the memo.

"Ooh, sounds good!" Terezi laughs. "Lead the way, Sir Vantas!" She offers him her arm, and he takes it on the pretense of humoring her (but you know it's just to make sure that her hand is still squeezing his, that she is still alive and warm) and then they go strolling down the sidewalk.

You're just so tired. That's why you don't see it, not until it's too late. A warning tears itself out of your mouth, and you run towards them as if now will be the different time, now will be time when you magically appear to push them away from the careening truck-

Your hands passes through Karkat's back.

His doesn't pass through Terezi's.

Karkat dies smiling and his blood is red, red, red.

\-----

It's Terezi's turn. They turn the corner, go up onto the overhead pass to avoid the streets. Karkat's walking recklessly, but Terezi's novelty dragon-themed umbrella taps him on the ankle to remind him to slow down. He turns to snap at her, misses the puddle on the steps. She yanks him back. Overbalances. A slip down the steps. A broken neck.

Karkat's turn: The next street over and they're wandering the alleyways. It's a sickening dumpster smell all around them but they don't care. Terezi's chattering, Karkat grumbles along. It's an old neighborhood, unmaintained and decomposing into corpses of brick. Terezi's three steps ahead, up until the rusted fire escape above her head creaks and snaps, and suddenly it's Karkat who pulls her back and flings himself forwards in her place.

Terezi: She lends him her umbrella and opens it for him, cackling as she says she bets that he looks like a fair maiden with a beautiful parasol. He tells her to shut up, but he keeps the umbrella. The clouds pass and the sun is searing bright, and Terezi turns her unseeing gaze towards the sun, spreads her arms, and burns.

Karkat: Nearby construction work. Something overhead gives, and the sky is raining jagged metal poles.

Terezi: Scissors to the throat.

Karkat: Power lines snap.

You fail them, again, and again, and again.

All you know is them; they are the only things tangible in your mess of a mind, the only solid constants among the scattered memories you cannot grasp, and all you can do is fail them.

The next time you open your eyes with the lingering taste of a name, you can count one hundred and seventy six crows.

\-----

Something happens. You don't know what. Neither does Terezi, you suspect, but Karkat is laughing and flipping off the universe as his chest falls with his last exhale. Terezi's face is streaked with red blood and teal tears both, and your hands waver and phase through his body when you try to shake him back awake. 

And everything

Resets.

When you wake up you are in a hospital with white ceiling tiles, and Terezi is in the bed next to yours, and there is no bed for Karkat.

Her eyes are flat and red, the exact shade of your own, no more of the unfocused gray iris or yellow sclera. You think that in the darkness of the room, they glow, just a little.

She turns her head towards you. "Dave," she says.

"TZ."

"Hey."

"Hey yourself." You drop your gaze and glance around the room, there is a lanky troll with odd double horns dozing in the corner- you vaguely recall asking him for help finding Karkat and Terezi after you got yourself lost.

"I can't find Karkat," Terezi says. Her eyes are definitely glowing now. "He's not here. I can't hear him anywhere."

"I'm sorry." Guilt festers, burrows into your mind and sinks there.

Her head very abruptly snaps to you. "You couldn't save him."

You swallow. "I'm so, so sorry."

She forces back a snarl, but then just like that everything slips out of her. "I couldn't save him either." She laughs, just a little bit hysterical, and then silence falls.

There's nothing for you to say to that.

\-----

Later you meet a whole bunch of weirdoes. 

There's a girl who seems half made of hair, who can make people freeze with a single glance- apparently the self-proclaimed leader of their gang. The one who seems perpetually dazed, who claims that he can turn invisible and all their powers are "fucking miracles". 

The boy who seems like he has really obvious tells for a supposed liar, and they all consist of sweating like a pig. His eternally cheerful companion who can talk to animals, and is really goddamn strong for such a tiny girl. 

The frustratingly familiar troll with double horns, and the black-haired girl with buckteeth that lives in his phone. 

She seems familiar too. Somehow.

You meet new people and make new friends, and they invite you back to their cool clubhouse or whatever and say they're on a mission, and for a while it's all fun and activity.

But on the nights you can't sleep you will make your way across the base and go up to Terezi's room, and her door will always be just the slightest bit ajar, a silent invitation that you always take. And the two of you will be watching the moon, side by side, and sometimes Terezi will lean her head on your shoulder, or you'll place your hand on hers.

Terezi exhales. "We'll get them back," she says.

"Yeah," you agree. Karkat, and everyone else you've lost. Memories locked away in your mind, and you know that they're there but they drift just that slightest bit out of reach.

The moonlight that shines down on you two is pale as bone.

\-----

_"Being dead fucking sucks."_

_She chuckles. "Not quite dead, Karkat."_

_He rolls his eyes so hard it feels like they'll pop out of his head. "Oh my fucking god, Megido, how fucking pedantic can you get? All we can do is watch those assholes flail around. We're as good as useless stuck here."_

_Her smile turns crooked. "Don't think that we're lost all our agency yet. Heroes are never out of the picture until everything ends."_

_He snorts. "Heroes? Really?"_

_"Red is the color of a hero, after all." Her grin is back in full force at his frustrated sigh. "I just hope that they remember soon," she muses, and turns her gaze back down below._

_In the background, snakes curl and hiss- fuchsia eyes open, and then slowly fade to red._


	14. BR3 - Alpha Dave <3/<3< Dirk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU where Dave has to flee the country after his relationship with Dirk is exposed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings: incest, underage, age gaps, depression

He doesn't even have the decency to say anything. One day you just come home from school and CPS are in your apartment and he's just gone. Just like that. They talk in too-calming voices and use phrases like "taken advantage of" and you scream at them until you have to be restrained, and this is the moment where your life breaks.

For months afterwards it's all over the news- the media will just _not shut up_ about demented Dave Strider, his poor innocent brother, what could have caused such a respected member of society to snap, the depravity of celebrity life. You get a fund set up in your name, for fuck's sake. 

Rose offered, but they didn't let her take you in for whatever reason; maybe her bout of alcoholism how many years ago, or maybe she's just too close a friend of Dave's, so you get shipped off to your foster home. You meet them two days before you move in- he has a round face and smiles too much and she fidgets nervously whenever you slouch into the room- and you hate them on sight.

School is hell now. The teachers look at you like you're broken, and never underestimate the capacity for cruelty that teenagers have for one another because the entire fucking student body turns on you in an instant. There are the religious nutjobs who tell you that you're tainted and wrecked and nothing can save your soul; the assholes that throw rocks at your locker and try to corner you in the restrooms- try being the operative word, because like fuck are you going to let them. 

You collect suspensions and detentions to go along with your new bruises and they get off with a mild scolding because the admin staff look at you like you're scum.

Jake won't even say a word to you these days, probably disgusted out of his mind that he had ever associate with you, and Jane shoots you pitying looks and empty apologies. The only person in the world who will talk to you voluntarily is Roxy, beautiful unjudging Roxy, who lets you hug her while you rant and scream and collapse in an exhausted pile of bones by her side.

She'd always been up for offering a drink to you before, a joking, "Want some?" and you'd always refuse because alcohol tastes disgusting ~~(unless it was the aftertaste of his kisses late at night)~~ and that would be that. But now, the one time you'd be amenable to drinking, she worries her lip and says, "Dirkie, maybe that's not a good idea," and she forces her mom to lock away all the alcohol whenever you come over and you think that maybe you could learn to resent Roxy a little too.

Ten months pass and you cycle through two foster homes and four therapists, and there is not a single fucking word from Dave. At night you lock yourself in your room and you stare at your computer as if maybe he'll shoot you an email like he did when he was away for a shooting. Nothing ever comes. 

You want him back so badly. You want him back so that you can kiss his stupid face and scratch yourself on his stubble and punch him so hard his glasses will crack against his nose, and you want him to fuck you until you're both insensate and you want to _bash his fucking head_ against the wall and shake his shoulders and demand, "Why did you leave me!" and you just want him back.

This is the first night you cry yourself to sleep.

It takes two years, but your life settles into a routine. You stop lashing out at anything and everything. Jane stops showing up at your doorstep with cupcakes and half-sincere smiles every other weekend, and Jake starts giving you the occasional text or message on pesterchum, though he still won't talk to you face-to-face. Roxy still doesn't let any alcohol near you, but the two of you make plans to go to the arcade and set the top five high scores for every single game, and that you're going to rent an apartment together after graduation.

You're filled with dreams for the future: a Masters in both Mechanical and Computer Engineering, maybe a couple of minors in whatever the fuck for hell of it- building your life back piece by piece, but no matter how many paths to the future you have his shadow haunts the back of your mind, his voice is in your head, and you can't let him go.

Some days you love him so much that you hurt with worry for where he is and how he's doing, and other days your hate for him is as pure as the fucking heavens, but most days it's a curdling mess of both that leaves you with a faint nausea as the background noise of your life, that lessens your appetite and sharpens your insomnia.

But you've got your life back on track. You're done with everything. Nothing to do but look forward.

(A little after a year you switched to a new email address, because your old one was being spammed by people who thought it would be funny to send 'fucking faggot' and 'ur going to hell' over and over again. This is why you don't see this message:

From: kf82ksl0294@mail.com  
To: timaeustestified@gmail.com  
Subject: im sorry 

im sorry dirk   
im so sorry  
i love you  
i love you  
im so fucking sorry)


	15. BR3 - John/Vriska/Rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slice-of-life AU where they have fun eating pizza and watching terrible movies (with scrabble)
> 
> Except it is not a slice of life AU.
> 
> There is a reason why there is nobody left to come and visit them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings: Character death, body horror

"Eat triple word score, Egbert!" Vriska crows, hands raised in the air in preemptive victory. "Someone is going down!"

Rose and John exchange sideways glances. John decides to bite the bullet. "Uh, Vriska? I'm pretty sure that 'all' does not have 8 Ls. And uh, we're pretty sure you're cheating?"

Vriska's grin of victory quickly transforms into a pout. "What? Are you really accusing me of being a cheat? Why John, yo wound me!" She makes a show of flopping over with the back of her hand on her forehead, collapsing face-up on the couch and sprawling across Rose's legs. The hood of her god tier clothes hits Rose across the face. "I'm hurt that you would even consider that I would be anything other than perfectly honest and fair!"

Rose quirks an eyebrow. "And I'm very sure that a Scrabble board only has 4 Ls."

Vriska scowls. John laughs nervously and attempts to hold off the inevitable fight, quickly waving a hand in between Rose and Vriska's glaring. "Hehehe, and you know, even if that was a legal move. Which it's not, but you know! If it were. It would only be 27 points. And you need at least-" He quickly glances at their score chart. "-74 more to catch up to Rose. So why don't we all keep playing right now so you can catch up!"

Vriska huffs, brushing away the hair that falls over her face. "Fiine, let's play on. 74 points, here I come!" She scratches at her ear, and then turns a sour glance to Rose.

Rose lets her other eyebrow quirk. "I think you'll find that it's 101 points to go, on account of your last move not being counted."

Vriska rolls her eyes so hard that they nearly pop out of their sockets. "Ugghh, Lalonde, don't be such a tightass! 27 points isn't a whole lot anyway, why don't we just keep it in?"

"Because John and I are being upstanding moral citizens and not cheating at Scrabble."

"You're cheating too! Don't think that I can't see that you keep sneaking tiles from the bag. And besides, we're only supposed to have 8 tiles each time, there's no way you would've been able to spell 'sanctimonious' last round!"

"And do you have any proof that I haven't added onto an already existing word? Sanct, perhaps. Or Onious. Onious is a pleasant word."

"Those aren't real words!"

"Hey," interrupts John obnoxiously, a smile straining at his cheeks. "Looks like it's movie time! I'll order the pizza, and why don't you get the popcorn, Rose?"

\-----

John and Vriska are utterly enraptured by Con Air, and Rose allows herself a private eye-roll as she reaches for another slice of pizza. To contrast, John's eyes never leave the screen as he grabs his sixth slice of his Dad's homemade bacon and macaroni pizza.

"Man, I haven't had this in forever," John comments, savoring his bite. "It's exactly like I remember."

Vriska snorts. "Human food is waaay boring," she moans. "You haven't lived until you've tried grubloaf. Grubloaf, John!" 

John makes a face when he's certain that Vriska won't look. He breaks concentration from the TV screen long enough to make eye contact with Rose. "She's been trying to get me to try it for ages," he mouths at her, and Rose just snorts. Trust John to end up with the pushiest troll out of all of the others.

...

Does this movie never end? She's fairly sure that it's been playing for hours. A quick glance at the clock confirms that they've been watching Con Air for at least 4 hours now, and there is a limit to how much Nicolas Cage and greasy pizza one can take.

"I think I'll be taking my leave," Rose says, wiping her fingers on a tissue and lifting herself off the couch. "It's getting pretty late."

"Aww, Rose!" John looks up in dismay. "You haven't been here very long!"

"I would love to spend more time with you, John." And here she pauses just enough so that it's clear she means John, and just John. Vriska sticks her tongue out. Huh. Rather juvenile. "But I'm afraid I have other business to attend to. I'll be sure to come back when I can."

John sighs. "Yeah, ok. You're always traveling somewhere." He flops back onto the couch. "Say hi to Dave and Jade for me!"

"Good riddance," Vriska say. "If you see Pyrope or Tavros tell them they're as laame as ever!"

"Good evening," Rose says, and shuts the door behind her.

\-----

You open your eyes and flick your fingers down. Thin tentacles creep out of John's and Vriska's ears, inching back into your gray-skinned hand like skittering tarantulas. Their heads roll back down, eyes drifting shut. John's neck bends at an odd angle, and Vriska's belly is distended and bloated with decomposition. In the later stages of death, troll flesh melts differently from human flesh, you discovered.

John and Vriska were nice, you think, though Vriska was as aggravating as ever. Perhaps you'll take John's suggestion and see how Dave and Jade are doing.

You turns back to the wall of suspended bodies, searching for those that were once your friends. Your eyes skim over Gamzee snapped in half, your mother's ecto-clone dangling in a noose of tentacles, a troll with asymmetrical horns that makes the organ in your chest hurt, just a little. 

They may be dead, struck down by Bec Noir and Lord English and the various other horrors lurking deep within paradox space. They may have been dead for a long, long time. But you'll hold onto them for as long as you are able.

That is all that is left for you to do.


End file.
